Last night I was punched in the face. Very hard. So hard that my nose is swollen, probably broken and I have two black eyes. I asked for it. In fact I paid for it. And it was all for my own good.
As part of my continuing plan for self improvement, I decided to take up karate. To be exact, Kafdo Karate Aikido Jitsu. This is a bit different. Not for me the 'mincing about in white pyjamas pointing the toes at 56 degrees while pondering the ethical implications of catching a fly with chopsticks' type karate. This is proper 'break his arm then stick your fingers in his windpipe til he passes out' self defence style karate. The training is very hard, but it has to be. The whole point of it is that we can fight hard and fast when required. This means we're not going to have time to remove our shoes, slip on our jammies and centre our chakras or whatever else. So we don't. We literally walk in off the street and get kneed in the groin, choked to unconsciousness then give money to the man doing it. It may seem like more of a voluntary mugging than a lesson, but it works. I've only been at it for a month or so, and I already have the ability to restrain anyone with a wrist or elbow lock so unbelievably painful that they will move exactly how I want them, all with one hand behind my back. And his. Now this is actually quite useful in my particular line of work, not to mention certain social situations, but that's not why I'm doing it. I don't want to use this ability, this is why I took up running first. I just want to know that I could do it. So don't start, cos as soon as this swelling goes down and I can see you, I'll have you. Without hurting a fly.
